not ready to die [jer!]

[kiki abeni kazor]

i'm sorry it took you this long just to see
THAT I'M ROLLING AND ROLLING AROUND IN MY MIND
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This whole crazy thing wasn't as fun as the movies portrayed it as. For one thing, there was no happy ending, no miracle cure that would rid her of all the fucking things that were wrong with her. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be here. I want to go home, the young girl thought, even though she knew home would probably be worse than being locked up in the psych ward of a hospital. Why had she even been sent to Los Angeles in the first place? She lived in New Jersey! Wrinkling her nose, Kiki sighed and leaned her head against the window, shivering as the cool glass came in contact with her forehead. What was it with hospitals and being cold? It seemed like every day was just getting colder and colder, darker, more tense. She'd give anything for a lighter right now, or a razorblade, but all of her precious things had been taken when she'd arrived her... how long had she been here again? She couldn't keep count. The days just ran together into one, long, agonizing day doing the same thing over and over again. "Take your medicine," they would tell her, "and then get to bed." The same God damn thing over and over and over again, repeating like a broken record. And the medicine didn't even help, not like it used to help, and no one would listen to her! They just kept shoving pill after pill down her mouth, restraining her when she refused and fought back against them, tearing away the small bits of sanity she still had left.

"Get me out of here," she whispered, half praying to a God she hardly believed in anymore. After all, if there was a God, why would he even let her become like this? She'd always been a good girl. She'd read her Bible - occasionally, mostly when she'd still been in private school - and gone to church and youth group - though that had slowly stopped- plus she listened to a ton of Christian bands - even if the majority of what she listened too was heavy metal. The point is, she tried. She tried as hard as she could, and it never fucking seemed like it was enough. For anyone. Not her mother, her father, her teachers, her friends. She was just a little piece of shit. Except... except maybe him. He seemed to think she was work something, seemed to think that she was special. There was only one problem. No one ever believed her when she spoke of her visitor, and he was never seen when he came or when he left. There was no way for her to prove that she was frequently visited by the Lord of Hell, and occasionally some of his minions. But I'm still scared of them. They could kill me so easily... and I don't know if I'm ready to do. If we're ready to die. Suicide is one thing, being killed is another.

Tugging on long, dark strands of hair the sixteen year old sighed, shaking her head and tugging on her hair more. The medicine, whatever the fuck they had given her this time, was doing the complete opposite of its job. Kiki felt so damn paranoid, and she swore there was someone watching her. She could feel the eyes on her back, could feel them all around her, but every time she turned her head to check she was all alone. Solitude was something she cherished, something she loved, but this isolation of the hospital was different. Why did they have to give her her own room? Why couldn't she be with someone else? Why did she have to be all alone? Oh... right... I like to kill people sometimes. Kiki frowned, wrapping her arms around herself and closing her eyes, swaying slightly on her feet, forehead occasionally coming to rest on the window again. This all felt like a dream. A nightmare. This couldn't all be real, could it? She wasn't crazy! The rest of the world was crazy! She was perfectly sane.

"LISTENING" "SPEAKING"

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WORDS :: 689
OUTFIT :: here
NOTES :: yay crazy girl!
CREDIT :: xreebear of caution two-point-oh is responsible. And lyrics by Porcelain and the Tramps. fin.

[admin!]

There was something about her. Lucy had been given a direct order from her father to fix what her sibling had so easily screwed up, to which of course she was honored that her father could think she could undo what her pathetic sister had caused, but what she didn’t understand was what her father saw in the girl. She wasn’t going to question him, she knew all too well the ramifications of questioning the devil himself, so instead she had thanked him for his faith in her. She was jealous and she knew that Lucius knew that, it wasn’t like she could hide it from him. Her father could feel her every thought, her every emotions and she didn’t care. Lucy was a jealous demon, she always had been. She wanted things form her father, things that she didn’t want him to give to his other spawn and she was greedy for it. She didn’t care. In a sense he had spoiled her at a very young age in more ways than one.

It had been too easy to move around the psychiatric ward of the hospital, she had almost gone unnoticed and when someone had bothered to question her business she simply charmed them. How easily humans got distracted especially when it came to the likes of dealing with Lucy Ahriman. Male or female it didn’t matter, Lucy knew exactly what they wanted and needed to hear. She could pick out the one soft spot and work on that, which was what made her such a powerful demon. Lucy had a great power when it came to illusion and she used that power to her advantage at all times. It was sad how needy humans were, that once they had gotten a taste of whatever the needed they clung to it like a life line almost begging her for more and fell to pieces as she walked away from them. Hook, line and sinker. Lucy had laid ground work wherever she went just in case she needed to come back for their soul. For now though she was only after one pathetic soul.

As her heels clicked on the cold, hard hallway floor, a smirk formed on her lips. So much insanity in one place. It felt slightly euphoric to the demon. Since she was a young demon she had loved the feeling of insanity, of begging and pleading for help. Lucy had loved to sit and watch Sam as he tortured newly made demons purging their human lives deep within the confines of the dungeons under her father’s lair. She could see their nightmares through their own eyes, something that she had gotten hooked on. Feeling their pain, knowing that they were writhing in both physical and mental agony, it excited Lucy and this was no different. The screams that filled the halls, madness wailing, it was like music to the demons ears.

It was almost too easy for her to slip into the girls room, she had been so lost in her own world, a world of insane, selfish thoughts. Lucy simply watched her from the darkest corner of the room, hiding in the shadows taking everything she could in about the girl. She couldn’t be more than sixteen years old yet the sin dripping from her soul screamed at Lucy. This child had done things, things that made Lucy smirk. There was more to this girl than meets the eye and that was quite obvious to the demon when she could sense that there was without a doubt more than one person living in that tiny head of hers. No wonder her father had been so intrigued by the girl. It was also no surprise that her sister had fucked things up so royally. A soft chuckle escaped her lips as she listened to the girl almost beg to get out of her confines. ”He can’t help you.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper in the wind. Angelus Ahriman couldn’t help her now. Now she was going to belong to Lucius, Lucy would make sure of that.

She could see the paranoia, it was almost dripping from the girls aura. Lucy’s head tilted with intrigue as she watched the girl tugging on her hair, her head turning to check to make sure she was alone. The poor thing was convinced there was someone in the room yet she couldn’t see Lucy. Usually she needed to create the illusion, but this little thing was doing her job for her. This was going to be a lot easier than she had anticipated. Lucy continued to watch her, waiting to see what the humans next move would be, waiting to see how long it would be before she either cracked from the overwhelming sense of paranoia or if she was going to finally realize that she wasn’t actually alone, that her feelings were warranted, that Lucy was standing in the shadows staring, waiting to strike.

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YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THE PRICE OF EVIL!

This post is tagged to KIKI. The long-winded word count is 829. Lucy Rae is wearing this sexy number. Of course there are notes CRAPPY. The lyric credits go to Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold. This template was made by Jericka of Escape from this Afterlife! So if you steal it demons will come and steal your soul, enslaving you until the end of time.

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[kiki abeni kazor]

i'm sorry it took you this long just to see
THAT I'M ROLLING AND ROLLING AROUND IN MY MIND
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The paranoia was sickening. She couldn't take it. Where the fuck was the lady with the medicine? They were poisoning it, weren't they? Planning on getting rid of her for good, so she wouldn't cause any more problems. She knew it. They were doing something with her medicine, that was why they were late. No, no, I need it. I hate it, but I need it! Slowly, her body started to tremble, ears ringing as her eyes grew wide. Someone was here. Someone had to be here, in this room, watching her. But she couldn't turn around. If she turned around, it made them real. If she just ignored them, they would leave her alone. Go away, go away, make them go away! Her eyes fluttered, her body hunching over a little as breathing got harder and harder to do. Her legs and arms were slowly going numb, the buzzing and ringing in her ears getting louder and louder. It was like a bunch of bees just flying around in her brain, and even when she placed her hands over her ears it wouldn't stop. "Stop! STOP!" she snarled, legs buckling and giving out. "KORPSE!" she called out as her knees hit the ground, her vision going blurry. Her hands pressed more to her ears, gasping more air as she whimpered, begging the 'other girl' to come out. Where was she? Why wasn't she here? The buzzing and ringing was getting louder, and it hurt. Her brain was going to fucking explode if this shit didn't stop. This was agony. Why couldn't the staff at the hospital understand that she needed her razorblades and lighters when this happened? They never listened! No one ever listened! Why? Why didn't they listen to her? Korpse could get them to listen. Korpse always got them to listen. Why wasn't she here now?

Choking on her breath, Kiki closed her eyes, trying to will the sudden panic to go away. It worked, for about a second, until she heard a chuckle coming from somewhere in her room. "They're here... They're here, they're gonna kill me. I'm not ready to die, I'm not ready!" she screamed, her stomach clenching. Had she eaten anything recently, she possibly would have vomited, but she'd perfected the art of deception. Most of the staff didn't even notice that she hid her food, and there were plenty of patients on this floor that were willing to buy it off of her. Or rather, trade various drugs for the food she hid in her room. I have all the medicine here, I just gotta find it. Fuck, where did Korpse put it? I need her! Where is she?! Feeling the panic start to claw at her again, Kiki trembled even more, snarling when she heard a voice speaking to her. ”He can’t help you.” Fear clouded her version, suddenly whipping around, still on her knees as she whipped her head from side to side. We're not leaving yet! I won't let them kill us, she promised, finding it hard to see as once more she experienced tunnel vision, able to see only a portion of the room at a time. Eventually, her eyes came to rest on the woman standing in her room, and something inside of her just snapped. Isolation had taken its toll on the girl, and she could only handle so much at a time. This was the moment everyone had been waiting for. With a growl that was more animal than human, the sixteen year old flung herself at the stranger. Half of her expected to hit the wall, believing this was just yet another hallucination, but there was that homicidal part of her that wished for this to actually be another human. She needed to see the blood. If not her own, than someone elses.

"LISTENING"
"SPEAKING"

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WORDS :: 640
OUTFIT :: here
NOTES :: oh my :3
CREDIT :: xreebear of caution two-point-oh is responsible. And lyrics by Porcelain and the Tramps. fin.

[admin!]

Her blue eyes watched carefully, listened for every move that the human was making. It was clear to Lucy that whichever one of her siblings had tried to steal the girls soul, they had botched it up terribly. Lucy could tell the insanity had always been there, it was just now amplified by the demon failing. The whole process of stealing a soul was quite easy, all it took was the human to agree, it was the process afterward, the purging of the human soul that was tricky. There were very few demons that were left in charge of that and there was only one demon aside from Lucius who never made a mistake. Sam. Lucy had looked up to him since she was a little girl, watching, taking it all in as he so easily tortured the humans, not so much as a blink of an eye as they writhed in both physical and psychological agony at his feet. At a young age Lucy realized that she was different than many demons, she had the ability to see through the eyes of the human, watch as their worst fears and nightmares flashed before their eyes as they purged their souls. To a demon it was amazing, it made the whole process that much more satisfying, however to the human mind it was hard to handle. Lucy had seen many humans go wrong during the process, the fears too much for their simple minds to process and the end result; insanity. Perhaps her sibling had tried to take matters into their own hands, try to complete the transformation themselves, but it was clear as she heard the girl screaming that she was all wrong. Lucy couldn’t help but smirk. It was, without a doubt amusing.

Lucy could feel the panic washing over the girl, it caused a sort of euphoric wave through her body. She loved the sound of a human pleading, begging for their lives, the realization that they are about to meet their death. Death came in many forms, humans were almost unaware of them. Sure some believed in heaven and hell, they believed in angels and demons, but what they didn’t quite realize was that the afterlife didn’t end with death, at times it was only the beginning. Lucy wasn’t entirely sure what her father wanted with the young girl and it wasn’t her place to question him, so she came to do the bidding he asked for. She snickered. This poor little thing seemed almost too young to become a demon, but once her father wanted someone it was very rare for Lucius to change his mind. The fear on the girls face was amusing. Had staff actually taken to the time to listen or even notice the look on her face, they might realize that she was telling the truth. Demons visited her, her father included. They fucked with her already insane mind time and time again, but no one cared or listened making Lucy’s job that much easier.

The noise. Lucy had heard that animalistic growl before, one that humans made when they were that desperate to save their own pathetic life. She watched as the tiny girl lunged at her. There was nothing the human could do that would overpower her despite the homicidal intentions that Lucy could sense. Unless she had angel blood hidden on her somewhere Lucy was safe from detrimental harm. Grabbing the teenager by the arms, Lucy pulled her off of her before tossing her clear across the room and onto the floor. She could have killed the girl, snapped her neck with one small move, but that wasn’t what Lucius wanted. Brushing her hair behind her back, Lucy glared down at the tiny human before walking directly up to her, staring down at her. ”Did you think that lunging at me would do anything more than piss me the fuck off?” Her question was more rhetorical than anything else. Lucy didn’t truly care what the girl thought. ”I assume you know exactly why I’m here. My father, he visits you, yes?” A twinge of jealousy took over Lucy for a second before she was able to push it aside. Of course she knew her father visited many people, but when it was all said and done she wanted to know that she was and always would be his favorite. This human had nothing on Lucy except sheer insanity.

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YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THE PRICE OF EVIL!

This post is tagged to KIKI. The long-winded word count is 740. Lucy Rae is wearing this sexy number. Of course there are notes SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. The lyric credits go to Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold. This template was made by Jericka of Escape from this Afterlife! So if you steal it demons will come and steal your soul, enslaving you until the end of time.

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[kiki abeni kazor]

i'm sorry it took you this long just to see
THAT I'M ROLLING AND ROLLING AROUND IN MY MIND
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

All her life, she had been broken down and abused, though the abuse came not from the hands of another, but from their words. You're not good enough, she was told, and you're nothing more than a selfish little bitch. Those were the words that constantly rang in her ears, filling any silences with the sound of failure. She simply could not take it anymore, and with every fiber of her being, she wanted to kill them. Kill all of those that had hurt her, torn her apart with careless words and heartless laughter. It hurt to think about, it hurt so much, but she was incapable of controlling her thoughts, of controlling herself at all. That was why she needed Korpse. The other girl made it all go away. She made everything better, for the most part, even if she did try to take over at the least convenient of times. "I do not. I simply like to make my presence known in different ways, that is all." The sudden voice of the other girl filling her head made Kiki relax, but not for long. There was still this intruder in her room, someone she did not know, but there was something about the blue-eyed female that felt familiar. "She's one of them, Kiki, my love." The panic that had momentarily started to fade came back at an even greater amount, and the young teen's vision nearly faded completely as her breathing briefly stopped, her body lacking the oxygen it needed to operate. Another one? Another demon? Why!? Why were they here? What the fuck did they want with her? She was worthless, useless, unimportant, and if she wasn't here she would just be in some other hospital, locked up like an animal, half tempted to swallow a handful of pills just to make it all go away. No one cared about those that were locked up here in the psychiatric ward. All of the sympathy was make believe. The patients knew the truth - once you were here, you were fucked, and the only way out was through death or well spoken lies.

She'd nearly gotten out through the first way, once, when a different demon had promised her and Korpse a life free of the suffering she had here. Those had all been lies. The pain had been nearly unbearable and the two girls that were trapped within the single body had fought with all their might against the powers of the demon. No nurse or doctor or therapist understood what was wrong with her, and they had all labeled it as an extreme mental breakdown and tossed her into one of the padded rooms, strapping her tight into a straight jacket and that was it. For a full week she had been in agony, tossing and turning on the floor and managing to get free of the restraints, only to claw at her own body to try and stop the intense pain and agony that she felt. No one helped her. The only one to try had been Korpse, but even she had had to go through what the sixteen year old went through. All the memories, all the thoughts, all the pain. Neither of them wanted to go through that again, and a decision had been made between the two of them just at the sight of this other demon. Attack, and never let their guard down. Perhaps Kiki would have gone willingly, had it not been for the other half that egged her own, always wanting to be dominant and controlling. It was Korpse that drove most of the homicidal intentions, and Kiki who leaned more toward suicide, but combined together they were a deadly weapon, one that had learned that guilt was worth nothing and you were better off forgetting everything and allowing pure animal instinct to control you. "Don't worry, I won't let you die. Relax, Kiki, I'll deal with this." The thought calmed the sixteen year old and there was an instant shift in her demeanor. The panic was gone, replaced by a cool and collected facade that was not affected by the way the demon girl grabbed onto her arms.

Korpse smirked, easily keeping her balance as she was tossed across the room, managing to scramble back onto her feet and brush herself off, chuckling and tilting her head as she observed the demon before her. She looked much stronger than the one that had previously visited Kiki, and a name was quick to pop into her head. Lucy, the favorite daughter of the devil. Lucius had spoken highly of her before. She let out a 'hmm' of curiosity, fearlessly meeting the gaze of the powerful entity as she was approached. "”Did you think that lunging at me would do anything more than piss me the fuck off?”" No audible reply was given, just a simple shake of the head and a smile. "”I assume you know exactly why I’m here. My father, he visits you, yes?”" This time a nod was given, followed by a partially agitated sigh. "You really can't do that to Kiki, Lucy" the split personality whispered, running pale fingers through long, brown hair. "What do you want with us, demon?"

"LISTENING"
"SPEAKING"

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WORDS :: 876
OUTFIT :: here
NOTES :: bleh
CREDIT :: xreebear of caution two-point-oh is responsible. And lyrics by Porcelain and the Tramps. fin.

[kiki abeni kazor]

this thread can be moved and she's gonna be made into a demon now.